There is another misconception about hospitality that I would like to address before it becomes an excuse for avoiding the hard work. Many people believe that making guests feel special means giving them something for nothing. If we offer a complimentary drink, provide a discounted room, distribute loyalty points, or send a free dessert to the table, we’ve apparently demonstrated how much we appreciate their business. I enjoy complimentary benefits myself, and there are times when those gestures are entirely appropriate. But I believe we need to distinguish between giving someone something of value and making that person feel valued.

Chef Paul’s is a good example from my own experience. When I visit, I may receive complimentary introductory drinks or occasionally benefit from some special consideration. I enjoy those gestures, and I have absolutely no objection to being treated particularly well by an establishment where I regularly spend my money. But I also spend a substantial amount there, return many times throughout the year, and do so very happily. The complimentary drinks are pleasant, but they are not the fundamental reason I continue choosing the restaurant. They are part of a relationship and an experience I already consider worth paying for.

That distinction is important because the most effective gestures of recognition often reinforce something the guest already values. A complimentary drink may demonstrate appreciation for a continuing relationship, but it cannot by itself create that relationship when the rest of the experience is disappointing. An upgrade at a hotel may be particularly welcome, but it does not automatically make up for a poorly maintained room or employees who make the guest feel like an inconvenience. The same applies to airport lounges, resorts, and virtually every other hospitality environment where benefits are used to distinguish levels of service. Guests may appreciate something free while still deciding that the overall experience is not worth repeating.